Sick
Went back to the terrible work hours yesterday. 6pm to 3am. I think my body finds it hard to readjust back to working nights. I am feeling somewhat sick with body aches all over. Its a terrible feeling!! :( That coupled with headache and a running nose spell pain..
Then again, I didn't quite mind being busy occupied with work to keep the mind off silly things. And time does seem to fly faster when one's busy. But, what happens after work?
I've been thinking.. Why do I still feel strongly for him? Do I still love him? Love is a very relative thing, feeling. Some claims they feel a natural high when they see their beau. Some said its a natural and stable feeling. I feel neither of that for him. Yet I care a lot for him. I find it painful to see him wallow in self pity and waste his life away. At times, I even wonder if I am the main culprit behind his decadence! I feel like I am to blame for his bad behaviour!
I know - as adults we are all responsible for our own behaviour but knowing that doesn't stop me from feeling guilty at how his life had turned out. He's become cynical and mellow. I feel responsible.
And looking at myself - what have I become? Sigh. I like to think that I have grown wiser and more mature, but deep down I know otherwise. I am half the me I used to be, none the wiser.
Then again, I didn't quite mind being busy occupied with work to keep the mind off silly things. And time does seem to fly faster when one's busy. But, what happens after work?
I've been thinking.. Why do I still feel strongly for him? Do I still love him? Love is a very relative thing, feeling. Some claims they feel a natural high when they see their beau. Some said its a natural and stable feeling. I feel neither of that for him. Yet I care a lot for him. I find it painful to see him wallow in self pity and waste his life away. At times, I even wonder if I am the main culprit behind his decadence! I feel like I am to blame for his bad behaviour!
I know - as adults we are all responsible for our own behaviour but knowing that doesn't stop me from feeling guilty at how his life had turned out. He's become cynical and mellow. I feel responsible.
And looking at myself - what have I become? Sigh. I like to think that I have grown wiser and more mature, but deep down I know otherwise. I am half the me I used to be, none the wiser.
posted by Shazza at Tuesday, November 09, 2004
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