An explanation
I said it before and I am saying it now. I am not proud of my bad behaviour on Thurs. I have no idea what got into me, how stupid outlets to vent my frustrations and anger?! Alcohol is evil. It makes the already emotional me more so, and a fool I was.
The smoking bit. People who know me long enough know how much I detest smoking. I hate being the receivers of second-hand smoke too, and I am not hesitant to make my protest known. A good friend emailed me and told me that smoking is what 14-year olds do to escape from their worries. How apt. I was behaving like some ignorant teenager!
Why did I behave the way I did? I don't really want to narrate the whole story.. but in a nutshell. The ex. And no, he's not getting married. Neither has he found a new gf. In fact, he wants me back.
I was confused (!!) and more so, it pains my heart to see him wallowing in self pity, drinking and smoking his life away. So in a very uncanny rebellious way, I wanted to do the same too. It was as though I harboured the thought to inflict on him the pain he caused me, by smoking and drinking.
Stupid me.
I didn't sleep a wink on Thursday. Whilst the eyes were closed, i had one million and one thoughts racing through my throbing head. I got out of bed at 6am on Friday morning and sat at my desk and prayed.
I asked God to forgive me for my bad behaviour and for strength & wisdom. I know how emotionally weak and unstable I can be and I didn't want to act tough anymore, before HIM.
Friday zipped through really quickly at work. I was physically tired but I pressed on. Was planning to go home straight after work for some much needed rest, but a friend called inviting me to her birthday party. I couldn't say no since I promised her last week.
At her birthday bash, I didn't touch a drop of alcohol. I drank coke the whole night :) And I had a really good talk with steppie who was invited to the bash too. In times of need, God really does provide me with listening ears and crying shoulders. I am thankful.
Thanks to those (you know who you are) who's been there for me and show me you care. You may not say or do much, but knowing that you are there for me is enough.
Thank you my dears. I will soldier on.
The smoking bit. People who know me long enough know how much I detest smoking. I hate being the receivers of second-hand smoke too, and I am not hesitant to make my protest known. A good friend emailed me and told me that smoking is what 14-year olds do to escape from their worries. How apt. I was behaving like some ignorant teenager!
Why did I behave the way I did? I don't really want to narrate the whole story.. but in a nutshell. The ex. And no, he's not getting married. Neither has he found a new gf. In fact, he wants me back.
I was confused (!!) and more so, it pains my heart to see him wallowing in self pity, drinking and smoking his life away. So in a very uncanny rebellious way, I wanted to do the same too. It was as though I harboured the thought to inflict on him the pain he caused me, by smoking and drinking.
Stupid me.
I didn't sleep a wink on Thursday. Whilst the eyes were closed, i had one million and one thoughts racing through my throbing head. I got out of bed at 6am on Friday morning and sat at my desk and prayed.
I asked God to forgive me for my bad behaviour and for strength & wisdom. I know how emotionally weak and unstable I can be and I didn't want to act tough anymore, before HIM.
Friday zipped through really quickly at work. I was physically tired but I pressed on. Was planning to go home straight after work for some much needed rest, but a friend called inviting me to her birthday party. I couldn't say no since I promised her last week.
At her birthday bash, I didn't touch a drop of alcohol. I drank coke the whole night :) And I had a really good talk with steppie who was invited to the bash too. In times of need, God really does provide me with listening ears and crying shoulders. I am thankful.
Thanks to those (you know who you are) who's been there for me and show me you care. You may not say or do much, but knowing that you are there for me is enough.
Thank you my dears. I will soldier on.
posted by Shazza at Sunday, November 07, 2004
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